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Tonight’s art journal play.

So delicious to create, the pigment crayons crumbling across the page.

Underneath is a painted background. Just a hint of yellow here, green or blue there remain.

This morning, I enjoyed mixing up these blues and the yellows and green. They were inspired by seeing dawn roll out across the sky at the local park.

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I stood there at 7am with my trainer. We marvelled at the colours that were changing every minute –  an unexpected sideshow to push-ups and planks!

After that moment of unexpected shared wonder, I was so sure these colours were going to be the feature of the page.

But after work tonight, I wanted to work with pigments.

I’m curious about how the cat’s landed.

The “real” cat who inspired this was curled up contentedly beside me as I drew. Somehow, on the page, she emerged simmering with eyes that you might say are possessed!

That red glow of her eyes and mouth. Part of me wants to “fix” it right now – add black lines for mouth and irises, tone it down.

Or there’s another part that wants to interpret it as firelight, flickering cosy warmth in the cat’s eyes.

Whatever,  I reckon it’s done. And I want to give myself the peace of mind of climbing into bed and saying “enough for now”.

It is what it is. I’m enjoying resisting the urge to “correct” her mood or “right” the picture.

Yes, there’s a part of me that wants to polish her, give her an uplifted mouth, tone down her smouldering eyes.

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Then again, isn’t brooding as much a part of life as contentment?

Emotions, alive – untamed, red! Untamed. Authentic.

Could I welcome this glowing-eyed cat as a tender invitation to curl up with stormy feelings – be with them, feel their roar inside, get familiar, experience their energy and also the space around.  Draw closer even, don’t try to change or resist or reject. Tenderly, curiously, patiently be with them.

So there you are, purrfectly authentic kitty cat. Welcome to the page, along side that blazing pair of red flowers.

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I’m also delighted by the swathe of blue and pink and grey behind her. Close up, there’s texture of the paint that’s be earth it which I applied with a small solace and the shape and veins it made reminded me of leaves. Now I find them swirling behind her, mystical and enticing my heart to gaze a little longer through my eyes.

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Could it be that both symbols simply are what they are? Not beautiful. Not possessed. Simply marks on a page. Impressions that touch life burning bright inside me, seeing things differently each moment, depending on what’s ‘up’ right now. Could that ever changing world of responses within me be not just acceptable, but welcomed by me. Juicy! Warm. Curl up. Let’s sense – see, feel, hear, taste, smell: what is in this moment? Let’s be here, together.

P.S. It came to me a few days later. Her name. Shenpa, like the concept  Pema Chodron talks about: when a deep old wound flares up. Energy to draw closer to, to know. I ended up sharing her on RedBubble: http://www.redbubble.com/people/trulyoriginal/works/23024815-hello-shenpa